In the beginning…
The words that led me to freedom
These are the words that God spoke to me on July 29th 2018, and it changed my life! See, I was praying…praying for so long. Praying for God to show me a sign for a way out. I now realize that this wasn’t the first time that He spoke to me. He spoke to me numerous times, I just wasn’t willing to listen before. But this time was different, I connected deeper and I heard Him loud and clear. I was beseechingly praying, I seeked and knocked and he answered. God led me to freedom, He said “Leave and Don’t Look Back”.
Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will open to you.
Living a life of despair
I was living a life of despair, I felt “Stuck”. I was in a toxic relationship, that lasted way too long (23 years, with the last 15, of on and off abuse). You may be thinking to yourself, why didn’t she just pick up and leave years ago? Although I struggle with this question, as many victims do, I still can’t rationalize a good solid answer.
However, I will tell you what God recently revealed to me, which will be in future posts. And I will share how I got to this place of despair and how I got to where I am today with the Grace of God’s protection, love and guidance. My hope is to shed some light on narcissism and to let people know that there is a way out. You don’t ever have to feel stuck or let someone control you. Take back your life and say “Enough is Enough”.
Isiah 43:18; Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.
The Great Escape
Genesis 19:26: But Lot’s Wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt. I took this verse seriously. The day I left, the day of freedom (Sept. 3rd 2018). I will never forget that day, It was a miracle! I prayed for an easy exit and God provided. He kept my Ex out of the house the whole time. It was so stressful all week leading up to this day as he was hovering over my shoulders, starting fights and making it difficult for me as I was packing up boxes.
I called my Brother in law, who is more like my Brother, he’s been in my life since I was six years old (he is also my Best Friend, next to Jesus, that is :). Once I was in my car, that I had packed to the roof tops, I called him and told him that I was leaving and asked him to talk to me and remind me “Not to look back” (I knew out of everyone, that he would understand how important this was to me). He talked to me the whole way, until I got over the bridge into the next state. I couldn’t have done it without him.
Don’t be like this. When God calls you to make a move, leave and Don’t look back, no regrets!
How I got to this glorious day:
On the Sunday of July 29th 2018, Our worship leader at the time, Bobbie led the service instead of Pastor B. I was a little disappointed because I really needed to be fed this morning. It was a rough week and I needed to be filled by the Holy Spirit! Therefore, I was not expecting much but boy oh boy, God definitely put her on the pulpit for me that day. I cried the whole service, couldn’t stop the tears from pouring.
God’s Words prevail
The service was on the book of Genesis, the story of Abraham’s Nephew Lot and his Wife. Most people know how the story goes, I’ll just do a little recap. God showed his mercy and told Lot to take his Wife and Daughters, leave the city so they didn’t get consumed and swept away in the punishment of the city. God told them to “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you or stop any where in the whole valley, escape to the mountain, lest you be consumed”.
God knows best, listen to Him
Their disobedience to God’s orders led to this: When Lot choose to go to a different town, other than where God told him to go, it led to continuous disasters. He thought he knew better, Surprise, we will NEVER know better than God! And Lot’s Wife disobeyed God’s orders by turning and looking back. This turned her into a pillar of salt (take note of how Lot’s Wife’s name was never mentioned in the Bible, only as Lot’s Wife).
However, her disobedience and consequences are used as an example, to prove an important point to us. As in Luke 17:32, Jesus also used her as an example to warn his disciples about not wavering or turning back. This all ended up poorly for Lot, not only did his Wife die but it led to generations of continuous disasters for him and is family. Lesson learned; when God speaks listen and obey.
The most powerful words I ever heard
Bobbie’s message was riveting! Right out of God’s mouth into hers and into my heart! Exactly the message that I needed to hear. I don’t think this was a coincidence, at all. It was all Gods perfect planning for me 🙂 Just like all of the Sundays sermons leading up to this and after!
She repeatedly said…Get out! If God has been talking to you, do not disobey him, Get out! “Get out” of the bad relationship, “Get out” of the bad situation. “GET OUT, Leave and Don’t look back“! God will take care of you, he has greater plans for a great future. When I say I cried during the sermon, I cried during the whole sermon. The Holy Spirit was moving inside me from my head to my toes.
An act of compassion that I will never forget
A very kind woman was sitting next to me, I never met her before and I never saw her since. I really want to give her a big hug and tell her Thank you! When I got up to go to the altar for prayer, she said…would you like me to come with you? I said sure, that would be nice. I told my story of how I was praying for God’s words to help me get out of an abusive 23 year relationship. How I felt stuck because we owned a business together. I was afraid to leave for many reasons, I was dealing with a narcissistic psychopath.
Are fears holding you back?
I had fear of loosing the business, as he often used this as a threat. Lack of money was and issue (which I am finding is the main reason girls stay in abusive situations), could I afford to live out on my own?… just plain FEAR. She told me how she left an abusive marriage years ago and how it was the best thing she ever did. If she could do it with her young children than I could do it.
She encouraged me, she told me to just leave. Don’t worry about the debt, God will prevail. Funny thing was, I never told her about the debt and lack of money concerns, some how she just knew. Most likely because these were the same fears she had years ago, as control issues (especially money control) is part of a narcissists nature. Or maybe God told her to say it? As He knew I needed to hear it.
She told me “You got this”-“God has you”.
These words of encouragement turned me around. From that day forward, I have been trying to pay it forward and give words of encouragement to anyone that I feel needs it, someone that God puts in my path. A few simple words can instill so much confidence and courage, it’s priceless. See where God leads you, encourage someone today!
A prayer I adapted from Psalms 9: 13-14
Dear Lord, Thank you for your Mercy and graciousness. Thank you for seeing the affliction that was caused to me by the one who hates/hurt me. Thank you lifting me up from the gates of death, so I can now reflect and sing all of your Praises! I will rejoice and tell everyone about your salvation and saving help!
“Leave and Don’t Look back”