Acts 16:26; (Paul’s escape) Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake, and the prison was shaken to it’s foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off!
Just like God Shook the prison chains off of Paul & the prisoners, he will shake off our “Chains” and lead us to freedom. Your chains could be abuse, fear, addictions, depression, anger, etc. All we need to do is ask and have Faith in Jesus.
A journal log
I spilled coffee grounds ( a lot) on the kitchen floor today. At first I panicked and was like “Oh crap, I have to hurry and clean this up before…”. Then I realized that it’s OK~it’s just coffee, it can be vacuumed up, there is No One here to scorn me, No big deal!
This is the feeling of “chains being broken”. I didn’t feel this way a year ago. God set me free of the prison of having fearful thoughts of being abused & controlled by a OCD-Narcissistic person. What a far way I have come, Thank you Jesus!
This story may seen minute and silly but situations like this one use to cause me so many tears, fear, anxiety and abuse.
The emotional baggage aftermath
Once you escape, there is so much emotion that comes with it. Fear, Joy, Freedom, Excitement, Anxiety, Anger, Disbelief, Unresolved feelings, Even a sense of loss. Some may feel guilt or unsure of their decision (I felt this the first time around when I left, not this time).
I want to focus on the word “Escape”. I say this because it was like I escaped a prison, which I did, I was imprisoned in my own body & mind. When you have been controlled by someone for so long, you loose a big part of your identity, self worth and confidence. You are imprisoned not only by the way you are living but in how you think of yourself. I will never forget what my Sister Lisa said to me on Moving day and a couple times after, it made me realize that I was “imprisoned’ all of those years.
Re-learning what normal is
On Moving day, my Sister was organizing my kitchen while I was having fun designing my new room. I made a few comments to her that made her stop what she was doing to say “Oh my gosh, I knew it was bad but I didn’t realize how bad. It was like you were living in a prison”.
My reactions were simple things that everyone else living a “normal” life takes for granted. Like how overly excited I was to have an oven to cook on, a sink that I was able to wash my hands in, a washer and dryer right in my own place (no more laundry mat trips! I was overly excited about this). I had real dishes & utensils to not only place in a cabinet but I was allowed to use. Yes, I know this is not a big deal but as she reminded me…I ate & drank off of paper for 18 years, I deserved to use regular dishware everyday now! Of course I still use paper plates for things, but it’s so nice to have the option, to “be allowed”.
Programmed to react
I recall spilling water on the floor and I got all panicky saying “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up”. She made me realize that my reaction was not normal. She reminded me that it’s my place now, you don’t have to answer to anyone, I can do whatever I want. It took a little for it to sink in. I realized that I was programmed to react in an obedient way. I was so use to my Ex, yelling and demanding me to wipe up a spill with him hovering over me making sure that I got every last spot. More than of couple times, he blasted me out of bed because he saw a “spot” on the kitchen floor, or a crumb on the rug. He made me get up to clean it while I was half asleep instead of him doing it himself, NEVER thinking that he could have been the one that did it. As a narcissist does, he never took accountability for anything, Everything was always my fault.
Chains are broken
My Chains are broken, All Glory to God! I am living FREELY in a world that Jesus prepared for us, how God intended it to be. No more living scared or walking on glass to avoid an abusive reaction. What ever your prison chains are, even if you were told that they are hereditary, Jesus died for us to set us free…We are Free Indeed!
Free at last
I am who you say I am…Free at last, he has ransomed me, his grace runs deep. Who the Son sets free, Oh is free indeed, I am a Child of God…Yes I am. In My Fathers House there’s a place for me, I’m a Child of God… Yes I am! (Lyrics from Hillsong Worship…Who You Say I Am)
Trust me when I say this. If you trust God and have Faith in Jesus, you will be set free. A few years ago, I didn’t think that the life I have now was possible. I let the enemy tell me otherwise. There is hope and saving grace in Jesus, cling on to that hope and Trust in him.
Lyrics to Zach Williams song “Chain Breaker”
If you’ve been walking the same old road for miles and miles. If you’ve been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies. If you’re trying to fill the same old holes inside, There’s a better life, There’s a better life. If you got pain, he’s a pain taker. If you feel lost, He’s a way maker. If you need freedom or saving, He’s a prison-shaking Savior. If you’ve got chains, He’s a chain breaker. We’ve all search for the light of day in the dead of night. We’ve all found ourselves worn out from the same old fight. We’ve all run to things we know just ain’t right And there’s a BETTER LIFE, THERE IS A BETTER LIFE!
I LOVE this song, it’s like it was written for me. Listen to the whole song (below) turn up the volume, you will want to blast it! If you can relate, I hope that you can believe in the words and it will bring you much hope and restoration.
Prayer:
Lord, Thank you for shaking & breaking the chains & bonds that were holding me prisoner. Thank you for rescuing me from my enemies and from the negative-fearful strongholds that were in my mind. Your everlasting-unfailing love is within me and I am forever grateful. For I know that I am your Child and you will never fail me.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen!