What is a Narcissistic Sociopath:
They’ll insult you, belittle & criticize you (sometimes in a teasing way). Pushing your boundaries until you finally speak up. They may use your reaction to make you seem crazy. Within weeks they can turn an easy going person into a hot mess of insecurities and self doubt.
The red flags…what to look out for:
- Love Bombing is a narcissists secret weapon and it’s manipulative & dangerous. It can easily be mistaken for that new relationship “puppy love” feeling. If they feel that your guard is down, they may assume that you’re an easy target for manipulation. They will shower you with loving attention (a little too much, more like smothering you), they will build you up an put you on a high pedestal, shower you with compliments, intense early sex, vacations, surprise visits at either home or work, random love notes, flowers at work, gifts, etc. They will go above and beyond to make you feel special and wanted. Love bombing feels good and it’s easy to get sucked in.
- Idealization & Devaluation: This is also known as the “sweet-mean” cycle. They build you up then break you down Over and Over again. This is a major sign of a manipulative character.
- Gas Lighting: Manipulating someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity
- Victim Shaming: When you the “victim” is blamed or partially blamed for their own attack.
- Abusive (mentally & physically)
- Controlling (They will try to control your thoughts, activities, money, your possessions, your friends, your life!)
- Self Centered
- Talks in the 3rd party
- Always concerned about what others think of them
- Having an obsession to frame you for stupid things just to start a fight (like wrapping a vacuum cord a particular way then interrogates you if they see it moved. Followed by demands for an answer to why you used the vacuum? Asking what did you spill?, like you are a child)
- Hot & Cold attitudes
- Forgetful & uncaring (You can have a big argument than wake up and have your abuser say, want to go out to breakfast? This will leave you wondering, did we have a fight last night, am I going crazy? They will have no recourse of the argument and will conveniently forget all the hurtful words they said to you.
- Isolation (on you) They will interfere with you and your friends/family. They will isolate you from the world if they could. They want all of your attention and will do anything to get it. Plus they don’t want outsiders that can see them for who they really are to have to opportunity to fill your mind with the ugly truth about them.
- Lack of empathy
- Self admiration
- Addictive traits
- Fantasies: Experiencing fantasies about being influential, famous and/or important.
- Brags: About having success & power, even when they don’t
- Exaggerates about past achievements & talents (likes to live in the past)
- Craves acknowledgment
- When they talk, you must listen or they will silence themselves and ignore you
- When they text or call, you must respond right away because everything they need is important and you should drop everything
- Silent Treatment
- Withholding affection
- Seeking praise and positive reinforcement from others
- Responds to criticism with anger
- Has a sense of entitlement
- Has a sense of self importance
- They will pretend to love God (they will even refer to themselves as God, in an arrogantly joking way)
- The believe that the world owes them something
- Exploiting others to get what they want (no matter how it impacts others)
- Blame & Shame their victims (Everything is your fault. They will use tactics of explicitly putting you down, being rude, criticizing you, and being sarcastic)
- The will not take blame (they will pretend to be the victim of your behavior or engage in emotional abuse to put themselves in a position to receive praise from you).
- They will maintain power in any way (this includes getting you to question your perception and second guessing yourself.
No matter what, they will always try to make you feel small and worthless