As the years went on it took a toll on my health. I started loosing weight drastically, so much that all of a sudden I had a “team” of Doctors (this was in 2015). I had a consistent alarming low WBC (white blood count) which called for blood work every month to then three months (this went on for almost 2 years). I was tested for everything, ranging from Lyme’s disease-HIV (my Ex cared less about my appointments, but he made sure that he was at the HIV reading…true narcissist, only thinking of himself). After no positive results, I had a bone marrow biopsy because they suspected Leukemia, even had 3 different biopsies of my thyroid. After no definite results, I was then diagnosed with Leukopenia (which is a person that has a normality low WBC). This didn’t make sense to me, because I was never low prior. Over the years due to my unhappiness, I let myself go. I was up to a size 12 and now a 2/4. People were telling me I looked sick, I looked anorexic and it was getting hard to hide my depression.
In 2017, I met two of my Sisters at the KOP mall (this was such a happy day for me because after my Mom’s funeral, which was in April 2016, my Ex put a wedge in-between us and we basically didn’t talk for almost a year). My Ex THRIVED off of this, he rubbed it in my face mostly everyday. I can not believe that I believed his lies about them and I let this happen. Thankfully our Holy Father saw the wrong and heard our cry’s, He intervened and brought us back together! (this story is in Part 1 of Hearing God :). We were dress shopping for my Nephews Wedding, needless to say I felt very uncomfortable undressing in front of them, as I was skinny & bony and was afraid of their reactions. Naturally they were concerned about me, especially from not seeing me in awhile (my one Sister actually followed me into the bathroom to make sure I wasn’t regurgitating what I just ate). This was a very surreal moment. When she did this, I realized what people must be thinking!
At lunch, my Sister Lisa pulled up an article on “Stress & low WBC” on the Livestrong site. I remember reading it and saying, “Well this ain’t me, I am not stressed”. They looked at me like I had two heads, LOL. They went on to say; owning your own business is “stressful”, being in an unhealthy relationship and living in that environment, is “stressful”, just think about it. I never had anxiety issues or thought I had stress in my life. Angry and depressed…Yes but stressed? After reading the article again, I realized that I was harboring a lot of stress after all. I asked myself, could it be possible for a person to make you sick? Well, the answer is YES, Stress makes you sick! Being in a toxic, stressful relationship or environment can definitely make you sick. This was a big “Wow” moment for me. A big eye opening, game changer. I had a major change of attitude towards my Ex, how could he do this to me? Why would he want to harm me this badly? And, I was pissed! If this was true, I went through two years of unnecessary testing, fear and unwanted medical bills.
1 Peter 5:7; Cast all your anxiety on him, because He cares for you.
This was in Sept. of 2017, I left in Sept. 2018. I now realized how unhealthy our relationship was and in order to get healthy again and to find self worth/self esteem, I had to make a change. My Nephews Wedding was liberating, I felt so Free and Happy! It was my first big outing with my family as my Ex was not invited (everybody knew what was going on at this point). I haven’t smiled, danced or laughed so much in a long time! And it felt so good to get so many compliments. I even had an admirer (not that I was interested but it just felt good to be noticed and to have nice things said to me). I wasn’t use to this.
My Sisters, Nieces, Brother-in-law…heck everyone, kept saying how they haven’t seen me that happy in a long time. I can recall them saying, do you see how you deserve a happy life? Doesn’t it feel good to have someone pay attention to you? Do you see how you need to leave and be out on your own? I agreed 100%, the thought of going back home, made me sick. But I did it because I refused to walk away from my business. This (and the fact that his Mom was sick) was the only thing holding me there at this time and he knew it. It’s why he dangled the business over my head and told me that he wouldn’t make it easy for me.
Proverbs 3: (7) Be not wise in your own eyes, reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn away from evil. (8) It shall be health to your nerves and sinews (tendons), and marrow and moistening to your bones.
I can happily say that after 1 1/2 years of being free, I am now in a healthy state. So Yes, my health issues were definitely due to stress! And the business, I now own it 100%, Hallelujah! The business adds some stress but it was purely the abuse I was enduring that caused my issues. If you notice yourself getting sick or loosing weight drastically, look deeper into your situation. Thank God, I had my Sisters to open my eyes. Listen to people around you, think out of the box because your living and/or work environment can make you sick.
Prayer: Oh Mighty God, Lord Jesus; Thank you for renewing my relationship with my Sisters and for bringing our family back together. Thank you for enlightening me on my situation and renewing my thoughts and attitude.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen