In the beginning…
The words that led me to freedom
Genesis 19:17 (The angels said to Lot, Lot’s Wife and Daughters) “Escape for your Life! Do not look back or stop anywhere”
These are the words that God spoke to me on July 29th 2018, and it changed my life! See, I was praying…praying for so long. Praying for God to show me a sign for a way out. I now realize that this wasn’t the first time that He spoke to me. He spoke to me numerous times, I just wasn’t willing to listen before. But this time was different, I connected deeper and I heard Him loud and clear. I was beseechingly praying, I seeked and knocked and he answered. God led me to freedom, He said “Leave and Don’t Look Back”.
Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will open to you.
Living a life of despair
I was living a life of despair, I felt “Stuck”. I was in a toxic relationship, that lasted way too long (23 years, with the last 15, of on and off abuse). You may be thinking to yourself, why didn’t she just pick up and leave years ago? Although I struggle with this question, as many victims do, I still can’t rationalize a good solid answer.
However, I will tell you what God recently revealed to me, which will be in future posts. And I will share how I got to this place of despair and how I got to where I am today with the Grace of God’s protection, love and guidance. My hope is to shed some light on narcissism and to let people know that there is a way out. You don’t ever have to feel stuck or let someone control you. Take back your life and say “Enough is Enough”.
Isiah 43:18; Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.
The Great Escape
Genesis 19:26: But Lot’s Wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt. I took this verse seriously. The day I left, the day of freedom (Sept. 3rd 2018). I will never forget that day, It was a miracle! I prayed for an easy exit and God provided. He kept my Ex out of the house the whole time. It was so stressful all week leading up to this day as he was hovering over my shoulders, starting fights and making it difficult for me as I was packing up boxes.
I called my Brother in law, who is more like my Brother, he’s been in my life since I was six years old (he is also my Best Friend, next to Jesus, that is :). Once I was in my car, that I had packed to the roof tops, I called him and told him that I was leaving and asked him to talk to me and remind me “Not to look back” (I knew out of everyone, that he would understand how important this was to me). He talked to me the whole way, until I got over the bridge into the next state. I couldn’t have done it without him.
Don’t be like this. When God calls you to make a move, leave and Don’t look back, no regrets!
How I got to this glorious day:
On the Sunday of July 29th 2018, Our worship leader at the time, Bobbie led the service instead of Pastor B. I was a little disappointed because I really needed to be fed this morning. It was a rough week and I needed to be filled by the Holy Spirit! Therefore, I was not expecting much but boy oh boy, God definitely put her on the pulpit for me that day. I cried the whole service, couldn’t stop the tears from pouring.
God’s Words prevail
The service was on the book of Genesis, the story of Abraham’s Nephew Lot and his Wife. Most people know how the story goes, I’ll just do a little recap. God showed his mercy and told Lot to take his Wife and Daughters, leave the city so they didn’t get consumed and swept away in the punishment of the city. God told them to “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you or stop any where in the whole valley, escape to the mountain, lest you be consumed”.
God knows best, listen to Him
Their disobedience to God’s orders led to this: When Lot choose to go to a different town, other than where God told him to go, it led to continuous disasters. He thought he knew better, Surprise, we will NEVER know better than God! And Lot’s Wife disobeyed God’s orders by turning and looking back. This turned her into a pillar of salt (take note of how Lot’s Wife’s name was never mentioned in the Bible, only as Lot’s Wife).
However, her disobedience and consequences are used as an example, to prove an important point to us. As in Luke 17:32, Jesus also used her as an example to warn his disciples about not wavering or turning back. This all ended up poorly for Lot, not only did his Wife die but it led to generations of continuous disasters for him and is family. Lesson learned; when God speaks listen and obey.
The most powerful words I ever heard
Bobbie’s message was riveting! Right out of God’s mouth into hers and into my heart! Exactly the message that I needed to hear. I don’t think this was a coincidence, at all. It was all Gods perfect planning for me 🙂 Just like all of the Sundays sermons leading up to this and after!
She repeatedly said…Get out! If God has been talking to you, do not disobey him, Get out! “Get out” of the bad relationship, “Get out” of the bad situation. “GET OUT, Leave and Don’t look back“! God will take care of you, he has greater plans for a great future. When I say I cried during the sermon, I cried during the whole sermon. The Holy Spirit was moving inside me from my head to my toes.
An act of compassion that I will never forget
A very kind woman was sitting next to me, I never met her before and I never saw her since. I really want to give her a big hug and tell her Thank you! When I got up to go to the altar for prayer, she said…would you like me to come with you? I said sure, that would be nice. I told my story of how I was praying for God’s words to help me get out of an abusive 23 year relationship. How I felt stuck because we owned a business together. I was afraid to leave for many reasons, I was dealing with a narcissistic psychopath.
Are fears holding you back?
I had fear of loosing the business, as he often used this as a threat. Lack of money was and issue (which I am finding is the main reason girls stay in abusive situations), could I afford to live out on my own?… just plain FEAR. She told me how she left an abusive marriage years ago and how it was the best thing she ever did. If she could do it with her young children than I could do it.
She encouraged me, she told me to just leave. Don’t worry about the debt, God will prevail. Funny thing was, I never told her about the debt and lack of money concerns, some how she just knew. Most likely because these were the same fears she had years ago, as control issues (especially money control) is part of a narcissists nature. Or maybe God told her to say it? As He knew I needed to hear it.
She told me “You got this”-“God has you”.
These words of encouragement turned me around. From that day forward, I have been trying to pay it forward and give words of encouragement to anyone that I feel needs it, someone that God puts in my path. A few simple words can instill so much confidence and courage, it’s priceless. See where God leads you, encourage someone today!
A prayer I adapted from Psalms 9: 13-14
Dear Lord, Thank you for your Mercy and graciousness. Thank you for seeing the affliction that was caused to me by the one who hates/hurt me. Thank you lifting me up from the gates of death, so I can now reflect and sing all of your Praises! I will rejoice and tell everyone about your salvation and saving help!
“Leave and Don’t Look back”
I love you so much!
Message from my Bro. 💜 you back, Thank you for all of your support. Couldn’t do this without your friendship.
Your day of freedom is my birthday! Lol. I feel like I am in a situation too that I need to get out of, but not seeing how to do so without money… not having money is what got me into it :/ Life is so hard sometimes!
Hi Sarah,
Wow, it was meant to be, what a great date! I would love to talk to you. Money/lack of money was the main factor that was holding me back all those years.But when God spoke to me and told me to “get out”,don’t worry about your finances, I listened. I NEVER thought that I could manage without him, more so because he told me I couldn’t and he “controlled” the money so I felt like there was no way out for many years. I would love to talk to you more. I hate to hear that are feeling “stuck”. I will pray for you and I want to keep in touch.
Much love, Kathy
I’m in that situation now but working to become independent. My husband and I were sitting at a fast food restaurant when my husband said, I’m finished so I’m going to the car. He left me sitting in a restaurant by myself. A young man sat down in the chair across from me at the table where I was sitting. He paused a minute, and then asked, “Was that your husband?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Narcissist. I’m sorry.” I said, “Yes. I know. Thank you.” He continued, “I am a servant of God. When God tells me to deliver a message, I must do what He tells me to do.” I was a little surprised. Hadn’t had that happen to me in a while. I smiled. He said, “God told me to tell you that your husband is angry and unhappy. It is not your responsibility to make him happy. He must make himself happy. You are to focus on yourself. Take care of yourself. Do not worry about him. God said He will take care of him.” I was so happy and excited about the message. I thanked the man with the beautiful light blue eyes and blonde hair. What a blessing to receive such a message. I am still thanking God for that message. It meant more to me than I could ever explain. I am moving towards being self sufficient and then when time comes for me to be single, I’ll be ready.
Deborah, Thank you for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes for a couple of reasons. One, I feel your hurt as I was left numerous times in public places (restaurants, a movie theater, he even left me in a Casino!). That young man that you described is a Saint! His boldness to say something encouraging from God to you is praise worthy. Not many people would have had the nerve. Know that God placed him there that day,for he knew what you needed to hear and feel. That man was a true blessing to you and obviously still is. Words you will never forget and I’m sure that God is blessing him ten folds. Best wishes on moving forward, it’s a process, so pray and ask for guidance.I am out now for a year and a half now. I am enjoying the process of finding myself again and I couldn’t be happier,I wish the same for you. Love & happiness, Kathy
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much, that means alot!
I love your message. I love your courage, and commitment. I love you Kathy. I’ve known you forever and you have always been a special person! I Thank God for putting you in my path. Love your good friend Lee
I Love you Lee! You’re the bestest friend a girl can have. So glad God put our parents in each others paths through the Church,look where we are 40 some years later.I wouldn’t be where I am today without you giving me the advice to pray on my fear, I’m working on this post next. Love, Love, Love you!
I’ve never been more proud of you than I am right now! Your words were written perfectly. You are and have always been so much stronger then you think and to now be the strength for someone who doesn’t believe in their own strength to run is truly your calling. Love you so much my friend 💞
Thank you Bert! Your always had a way with words. And thank you for your past & present encouragement through all these years. You are a true friend that always believed in me when I didn’t. And thank you for still being my friend when I was absent all those years, when I was confined. Love you Girl! Your support is appreciated so much.
I could not help but cry as I read line by line! The power of God through your words pierced my soul! Keep writing! Keep sharing what God has done and is doing in your life as you continue to move forward & focus on your future! You are amazing! God bless you!
-Eiram Roby West
Thank you so much, that means Alot coming from a Woman of God, or should I say “A Kings daughter” like yourself. It’s easy for the words to fall into place when God is on your side. As much as I wish I never had to go through this ordeal, I’m happy to share as God carries me through it all. I am So happy that I am touching hearts already. I just want to help. Blessings to you and much success along with it. Love, Kathy
Hi porismita here I want to restore my marriage but my husband only listen to my mother in law and have a blind faith on her.My mother in law always abuse me verbally,mentally she does not like me,but she pretends to be good in front of my husband and others.She instigate my husband about me and he physically harass me.Now my marriage was just 7months but now I am at my mother’s house. There is no response from there end that their daughter in law is not at home.Even not a contact.So I am really worried about my relationship what will happen next.
Hi Porismita, I am so sorry to hear that you are enduring this type of hardship so early in your marriage. Your Mother in law definitely sounds like a narcissistic person, who is slyly attacking you without anyone else noticing and manipulating her own Sons mind,filling him with lies about you, it’s disheartening. I’m proud of you for recognizing and for reaching out and looking for help & answers. You are in stages 1-3 (confusion, betrayal and detective). I urge you to Pray on this. Ask God, to open your Husband’s eyes and heart and Pray wholeheartedly for yourself (as I will too). Ask God to heal your heart and to show you if the man you married is the right man that he had destined for you. If he is not, I know it will be hard but trust me, you will be way better off. You deserve way much more, someone who loves, values and respects you.
First and foremost, always seek God first for only he has the answers.
Stay strong and faithful. You got this!
Good luck and remember that some battles are not ours to fight, let go and let God!
Prayers, Kathy
Thank you for sharing your triumphant story. I have been in an emotionally abusive marriage with a narcissist for 31 years now. By the grace Of God, I managed to raise 3 thoughtful, gentle and loving kids. We have all been wounded by the man that was supposed to love and care about us. Now that my kids are grown- my youngest will be 18 in March, I’m preparing ( financially) to leave and NEVER LOOK BACK this Spring ( a time of new beginnings, how inspirational) Faith has kept me sane and alive all these years. Beauty for ashes, I believe all will be blessed back to my kids and I as we step out in faith. Thank you for sharing your light and the hope of God’s abiding Love. Jennifer
Hi Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing your story. I can tell that you are a strong woman of faith and an awesome Mom! Wow, 31 years of putting up with him? I was 23 years, not married nor had kids so I applaud you! I am so happy to hear that you have an “Exit” plan. The finance situation held me back for years but a wise women told me not to worry about money, God will take care of me and that my health/mental health was more important and she was right. So if you hear God tell you to “Leave now and Don’t look back” Do it!
You got this girl! With God on your side who can be against you, he will certainly put your enemies under your feet. Thank you for your uplifting comments,it makes it all worth doing. There absolutely is a LOT of hope in God’s abiding-ever lasting love. Blessings and prayers for you and your kids. A song you may like: Defender by Francesca Basttistelli
I want to hear your “Victory” update when you are FREE. Kathy
If someone could please help me I would be less affraid, I feel like a coward and scared isn’t the word extremely frightened to be exact.
Hi Sylvia,
I hear your fear and pain. I was in your situation (not sure as bad as you) there is a way out. You are never alone, Jesus is your friend and you have a heavenly Father who loves and will protect you. I struggled for many years because I tried to “handle” my abuser myself, things didn’t turn around for me until I submitted my fears over to God and prayed for him to fight my battles. Pray day and night for your fears to be gone and Thank God for making you strong & courageous.If you do not know the Lord and you are not sure how to pray, please email me, I will be happy to pray with you. If you are so freighted because you are being verbally and physically abused, Please I urge you to call the domestic violence hot line or local emergency. Your safety comes first, they will help. Keep in mind that “Fear is a Liar” and it won’t win! Something that helped me, listen to these two songs a couple times a day. “Fear is a Liar” by Zach Williams and “The break-up song” by Francesca Battistelli. I am praying for you and your safety and for your fear to go away.
Kathleen
What incredible stories of survival, hope and support for those needing encouragement to “get out”. The word whispered to me by God as I picked up and put down my packed bag 3 times was simply “Go!” I left without my teenage children. I had no choice. By the next day my children found me and haven’t left my side. I pray they are not forever scarred by their fathers narcissism which appears to be genetic unfortunately. I pray I am breaking the curse of the “sins of the father last 7 generations”. And I pray I didn’t harm my children by staying for so long.
****Please read more of this incredible story of “GO” in my “Praise and Testimonials” Page….You don’t want to miss the rest of this story!****
She’ll never forget that STRONG whisper…..”GO!”
I just have to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you! I surely know how difficult it is to make the big move (to let go of the fears and give it all to God, third time’s the charm). It takes a lot of courage and Faith, I am so glad that you heard God’s whisper “Go”. Your story gave me chills and tears, I am so moved by your courage. To leave without your kids and for them to find you the next day, this speaks volumes and other people need to hear your story.
Please know that I am praying for you and your kids. God will protect you and your Children and Don’t worry about them turning to the Narcissistic ways like their Dad. By you making the crucial move, your kids will feed off of your strength & unfailing Faith. They will be “Chain Breakers”, they will end this vicious cycle.
One of my favorite verses: Joshua 1:9 Be Strong and courageous, Do Not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord Your God is with you wherever you go.
Blessings for you and Keep Strong! You Got this Girl and God has You! So Proud of you!!!!!
Kathleen
I have been married to a man 40 years that was in codependency relationship with his father. My husband was controlled By his father and is in denial of the repressed anger. Both of us were Verbally abused by his father for 15 years. I stayed with my husband and God has healed me and helped me raise 3 good children. My husband never has changed trying to fix his relationship his way, which is not dealing with it and trusting God. Control is evil. Jesus never control anyone. Jesus has been faithful and gave me a deep love for my husband. I believe when you are in a abusive relationship you should get out; especially if your life is in danger. Mine has been more emotional and Jesus has healed me. It has been long hard emotional journey that Jesus healed me. I thank you that you have giving people the courage to leave when staying should not be an option.
Hi Denise,
Thank you for sharing your story and Thank your for telling me that I am encouraging others. The fact that I am able to reach people around the world looking for encouragement is a true blessing, All Glory to God! I am so sorry that your Husband has such an abusive Father. I applaud you for recognizing and saying “enough is enough” and for turning to Jesus for help. I can tell that he has truly blessed you with healing and he put you in a better place (mind set) to be a great Mom. Keep praying for your Husband to turn to God and to let Jesus into his heart, as I will also. In able to “break the chains” he needs to surrender himself to Jesus. As you already know, he will be a much happier-healthier Husband and Father with his Caring,Loving,Forgiving,Holy-Heavenly Father in his life!
You are so right! Control is Evil…I love the fact that you mentioned that Jesus NEVER controlled anyone. So true, Thank you for this!
Prayers for your Husband that he finds the Lord, and prayers for you and your children.
Stay strong and Faithful, God See’s what is happening and he will prevail, Believe this!
omg I needed to hear this I’m leaving my husband as we speak and terrified but when I read get out that moved me quickly thank u
Hallelujah! I am so happy to hear this and so excited for you. It is terrifying but God has you! Pray for courage, strength and for God to take your fears away. Remember that you’re never alone. Jesus is your friend, and you have a Wonderful Loving Father who only wants the best for you. You Got This! Good Luck and keep me updated. I will pray for you on your great escape and for your new journey and healing.
And remember: “Leave and Don’t Look Back”
Stay safe and distance yourself, No contact is best!
Kathleen
I do rely on what you said. I did have signs but did not pay attention. Then i was so deepleted that i couldn’t move anymore., nor see the signs…. The last discard was fatal and really saw his real face. I just wished that i had left before. No contact, no look back, be happy and forgive yourself
Hi Siseule,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am happy to hear that you have forgiven yourself, it’s a hard thing to do as we fall victims and tend to blame ourselves and feel guilt for feeling “stupid” for not seeing the signs (Which is a false feeling). A Victim of abuse (mentally & physically) is NEVER to blame and it’s so important to know that it is NOT your fault. Narcissist are manipulators and are very good at what they do, pure evil. I hope and pray that you are in a safe place now. “Leave and Don’t Look Back” and “No Contact” for sure. Prayers for you for healing your mind & soul and for God to open up new doors for you. Good Luck and Have fun getting your life back.
You Got This! Stay strong
Kathleen
God sent me to your page for a reason. Ive searched the same search many times for many years but today he sent me to you. Your message , his message. I can not deny. Thank you please pray for me and the others like me. Thank you
Hi Alison,
What and inspiring message to receive today, on my 2 year Anniversary of my departure/Escape! God talks and leads us to each other in miraculous ways. What a great encouraging reminder to keep doing what he has called me to do. I take prayer requests to heart, please know that I am praying for you and all others. I hope you are safe, stay true to yourself and be strong & courageous!
Much love, Kathleen
Hello, your post was several months ago but I have been going thru it alot lately, broken & looking online for answers and I run into your post. I just want to say that you are so brave for having the courage to get away like you did. I have been in my relationship 3 years now and I have been thru so much, even also getting left in public places 🙁 recently it’s all been mind games, manipulation & just so much narcissism on his part. I have so many regrets, after everything this man has put me thru, I had the chance to leave him in such a tight spot when he was at his complete lowest but then I felt bad and gave into him. I gave him another chance. Now with my help & support he has a really great job. But the bad thing is now that hes doing great, he’s turned even more disrespectful now. Cusses at me makes me feel like I’m no one & hes better than me, I just don’t know what to do anymore, like I want to leave soo bad but I feel like I’ve seriously made this man’s life better & it feels like slap to my own face of regret. Like how does someone that treats someone so bad get ahead in life while I’m just here stressed out letting my own life go to waste..I just wish I would have left him at his low. 🙁
Hi Dena,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I want you to read my new Post’s “Fear No More” Part 1 & 2. It’s about overcoming fear. I appreciate what you said about my bravery, because Fear is what held me back for so many years. Reading what you are going thru, stirred up a lot of emotions for me, as I was treated the same. He is treating you like a doormat, you need to put a stop to this! These type of men don’t deserve us. We add value to their lives, we make them better and all they do in return is tear us down and treat us like dirt. I beg you not to do what I did, stop feeling sorry for him and get out while you can. You deserve better, much better! Take a leap of Faith, ask Jesus to guide your steps and to walk with you. Your life has Value & Purpose, believe this!